Anticipating

i have a session with Master today--i was looking forward to this VERY much until last night--i pushed my Master too far, was too disrespectful--He considered discarding me, but at this point says He will continue my training...i imagine His anger will be severe today.

i have been asking Him since our first meeting to please whip me/lash me/flog me--i am craving that so badly but He wishes to move slowly into the D/s portion of our sex together--i am sub to Him in all interactions, but He has been delaying this aspect of DOMing me.

i understand His reasons and several subs have told me that this is a GOOD thing--i am not used to this and it is a struggle. A huge part of me just wants Him to force me--to force me to submit in ways that i have submitted to other DOMs in the past--to prove to Him how GOOD of a sub i can be!--but my reasons for wanting this are not completely GOOD...part of me wants to know HOW badly He will use me, how badly He wants to take what i have...and part of me is afraid to find out--that He WILL be like the others. Expectations are a bitch...

i have no idea what my punishment will be like today--i expect either extremely harsh (physically and/or emotional) or i expect that Master will dismiss me--neither would be unearned.

slave s.