When love and domination come together

okay this is totally going to sound cliche but i am in love...my Master is an amazing, kind, sweet, good man...He knows so many of my flaws and yet continues to tell me how much He loves me...He dominates me, He allows me to serve Him in daily life, not just sexually, He owns me...and yet although i love Him and feel the incredible love FROM Him, i have never been more confused in my life! i love Him intensely and want to serve Him in all ways, but since He is a kind DOM and i am used to a harsh DOM, i find myself drifting into "girlfriend" mode at times--something which i am humiliated to admit. i crave for my Master to beat me, to not give a shit about me, to show me how worthless i am as a sub...probably so that the fear of being loved will subside and i can retreat from Him emotionally...but my Master is not willing to have me fear Him and does not want me to retreat from Him, which i understand even if my mind wishes He would.

i have never had anyone love me before...my relationship with my ex-partner was out of convenience...this is so foreign...just trying to find something familiar.