Rape Scene

i have wanted to do a rape scene for as long as i can remember –even as a young girl, i used rape fantasies to masturbate. i have tried, several times, to find a man who i would feel comfortable enough with to do the rape fantasy with but never had any success. i think my Master and i may incorporate this fantasy at some point—i just hope that my lack of fear of my Master and my intense love for Him does not prevent me from fully surrendering to the fantasy—that could only lead to FRUSTRATION! LOL

my ideal rape fantasy would begin with me asleep in bed in a t-shirt and panties..the rapist would come in and put one hand over my mouth, the other around my throat—squeezing just enough to make his point and threatening me with death if i didn’t cooperate. i would struggle and he would restrain me—then begin grabbing, groping, roughly fingering me, ripping my panties down, pushing my t-shirt up. He would get on top of me and fuck my mouth, holding my hands down, not letting up when i gagged, cried, begged. Then he would move to my pussy, which unfortunately would be dripping wet at this point so the friction would not be as intense as i want, but he would push into me with no thought of my comfort, driving his cock into me again and again…then because i would keep struggling, he would threaten me that if i moved again he was going to take my ass..i would struggle and my ass would be entered painfully and fully. i want to be at the point of sobs, in pain, and frightened by the time the rapist was finished…i want it as close to a real rape as possible.

Damn! Just writing this has moistened my panties! LMAO

Photo from recent "Naughty" time!

Here is just one of the pictures my Master took when He hog-tied me the other night--i LOVE this pic!

Good, Bad, and Naughty

It has been a challenging week for my Master...i have been a very unpredictable slave. When i have been good, i have been VERY good. When i have been bad, i have been revoltingly bad. And, like i was last night, when i have been naughty, i have been impishly so! i enjoy being a good girl for my Master but find that i push Him and challenge Him on emotional and trust things by being bad...by seeing how far i can push before He will discard me. i think i do this so that i can try to force Him to be the ass that i assume lies beneath the surface of all men...i do this to push it to the painful end that i assume is coming...i am waiting for the bottom to drop out. i have to give Master a lot of credit...so far He has remained steadfast and unflappable--He has gotten irate with me without a doubt and i have been punished and have punishments waiting for me, but He has not delved into treating me like the piece of shit that i expect to be treated like, He has maintained that He loves me, will be patient with me, will train me to become the good sub He sees in me...my Master is not a player, He is a true DOM who understands and accepts the responsibilities involved with being a DOM. D/s is SO much about complete, open, blunt, painfully honest communication-at least for me and other subs i have spoken with who are in comitted long-term D/s relationships. i try to be completely honest with Master about my feelings, my desires, my needs...the exposed, vulnerable feeling that comes with that honesty is amazing...to know that He knows things about me that i have shared with almost no one and yet He still loves me...to know that He knows my sexual desires, that i can be as sexual of a woman as i desire, that i can tell Him a deep sexual fantasy and know that He will fulfill it in His due time....is ALL very arousing and helps keep me motivated to be a good girl for my Master.

then there is the naughty side of me...which came out last night--LOL--my Master had just finished cumming inside of me and told me to wait to play more..i didn't want to wait! lol So i kept touching, rubbing, grabbing His cock...He warned me that if i continued He would hog-tie me--welllllll...that was NOT exactly a DISINCENTIVE! LOL Needless to say, i was hog-tied! and i LOVED it!! Master is a photographer and took pictures of me in bondage...some, i must say, turned out VERY nice! LOL i very much enjoyed being restrained, enjoyed knowing that my Master could do anything He wanted and what He wanted to do was photograph my body...so many others would have taken that opportunity to sexually use me..Master used the time to create art with my body--now THAT is hot! And certainly gives me motivation to be naughty again soon!

When love and domination come together

okay this is totally going to sound cliche but i am in love...my Master is an amazing, kind, sweet, good man...He knows so many of my flaws and yet continues to tell me how much He loves me...He dominates me, He allows me to serve Him in daily life, not just sexually, He owns me...and yet although i love Him and feel the incredible love FROM Him, i have never been more confused in my life! i love Him intensely and want to serve Him in all ways, but since He is a kind DOM and i am used to a harsh DOM, i find myself drifting into "girlfriend" mode at times--something which i am humiliated to admit. i crave for my Master to beat me, to not give a shit about me, to show me how worthless i am as a sub...probably so that the fear of being loved will subside and i can retreat from Him emotionally...but my Master is not willing to have me fear Him and does not want me to retreat from Him, which i understand even if my mind wishes He would.

i have never had anyone love me before...my relationship with my ex-partner was out of convenience...this is so foreign...just trying to find something familiar.

Sounds

Had an interesting and erotic experience with my Master the other evening...i rarely wish to post my sexual experiences with Master Todd since times with Him are incredibly intimate, incredibly connected, however THIS was such an unexpected and unusual experience that it is something i wish to share. i was laying on His bed, legs spread with a speculum inside me...VERY nice sensation...but that was only the beginning. i felt a strange sensation...like someone was rubbing my clit from the inside--felt GREAT. i kept asking Him what He was doing and He would not allow me to see...finally He raised up and showed me the tool He was using--it was a urethral sound...He had inserted into my urethra and it felt GREAT! Funny thing was that i knew He had these and had FREAKED when He showed them to me initially--saying that i did NOT want those used on me--LOL little did i know how wonderful it would feel!! i am SO glad that He did not listen to me! LMAO!!

Needless to say, i highly recommend ANYONE trying this--it is WELL worth it!!

So THIS is real life D/s?!?!?!

i am now in my first real life, not-just-sex, D/s relationship and i honestly feel like i could explode from the ecstasy and bliss i feel from it!

Master Todd is an amazing man...He has these incredible eyes and way of looking at me...making me feel like He is reaching deep into my heart, my mind...it actually bothered me the first few times we were together because i have never had ANYone show that much interest and desire in knowing me before...i felt exposed, vulnerable and raw when He would look at me initially...i LOVED it and HATED it at the same time...really struggled with wishing He would be a jackass DOM so that i could just dismiss Him from my heart and focusing on submitting sexually. Master Todd will NOT let that happen! He would rather i submit to Him emotionally, over sexually ANY day..granted we BOTH love the sex! LOL But, if i were to withhold emotionally from Him, i know that we would never enjoy sex like we do, i would never enjoy submitting to Him as much as i do, and quite honestly, i don’t think there would be a future for us. i have a lot of intimacy and trust issues and tend to withdraw or remain distant emotionally—finding it quite simple to sexually submit since i easily disconnect emotions from what my body experiences…well, usually i do…with Master Todd, i like Him SO much, feel so safe, so loved, so wanted that I find it VERY difficult to push down emotions…i am grateful that He refuses to allow me to revert to my old habits of pushing down any emotions i have and just submitting sexually...i am glad He REFUSES to allow me to sexually service Him at times when He knows i am using it to avoid expressing feelings i may be having.

With Master Todd, i am thoroughly enjoying ALL aspects of submission—i LOVE making Him a cup of coffee, LOVE cooking for Him, LOVE helping Him around the house, LOVE just serving Him in daily life...with other DOMs, i have resented expectations of submission outside the bedroom…not that there ever was much opportunity for submission other than sexually in those relationships…but i never WANTED to serve them other than sexually…just didn’t care enough about the other DOMs to do so. With Master Todd, i CRAVE it…

Being with Master Todd makes me a better sub, a better person and the only reason for that is because He is such a good Master, such a good man. i really feel blessed and privileged (and more than a little undeserving!) to have Him in my life.

Slave vs Sub

i recently had a conversation with a woman about the difference between being a sub and being a slave...this is often a hotly debated topic in th D/s world--just recently a sub/slave/bottom forum i am on had a hotly debated posting about just this topic...

the woman i was discussing this with and i have the same Master...He calls us His slaves...how she and i view that title is where we disagree. i feel that Master is being kind and complimenting me when He calls me His slave...to me it is like He is saying "I believe you have the capacity to fulfill my needs and desires" and i LOVE that He is willing to call me His slave...but i do not feel i have EARNED that title in terms of referring to myself. Yes, i will call myself Master's slave, but i always refer to myself as a sub...i am not GOOD enough, sub enough to categorize myself as a slave. i guess the best way i can explain it is like this...let's say all animals in the cat family are born the same but all also COULD become a LIONESS versus just a housecat if the individual cat works hard enough to, now in the family of cats, let's say the LION of the pride is pleased by a housecat and decides to take the housecat as a member of His pride...He may refer to His housecat as His lioness--a sign of the level of responsibility, love, commitment, a sign of how precious the housecat IS to the LION...does that immediately turn the housecat INTO a LIONESS?? no...but the housecat is DEFINITELY in a better position to BECOME a LIONESS with time, training, and the LION's patience.

she seems to think that someone is EITHER a sub OR a slave and that i am disrespecting my Master by referring to myself as a sub rather than a slave....if my Master was to ORDER me to refer to myself as a slave, i would immediately begin doing that...i do not think He will though because i think He understands that submission is a process, a journey that i hope to improve along the way on...someday i will refer to myself as a slave versus my Master's slave...some day i will be submissive enough for that...until then, i am thrilled to have a Master who wants me to become that person and sees a potential in me that i sometimes struggle to see.

So that is my two cents worth!

slave s.